It seems like it is safe to say that everyone has experienced disappointment or felt heartbroken over someone at least once in their life. One of the most common things that trigger these feelings is breakup. These feelings can trigger both women and men. When you see someone who feels heartbroken and disappointed, you may be wondering how love can leave a deep mark on one’s heart and why the heartbreak caused by a breakup is something that is not easy to heal.
In fact, falling and breaking up are processed with the same mechanism in your brain as someone who consumes and has just stopped taking drugs. Both love and drugs have almost the same effect on your body.
Love Is Like Drugs
When you are in love, your body produces the hormone called dopamine, the one that activates a part associated with the reward system, giving you a positive effect that makes you want more and more. The same effect also occurs when consuming cocaine and nicotine. It makes you addicted to these substances.
On the other hand, heartbreak is processed by your brain in the same way that someone just stopped taking drugs. According to the fMRI study, some parts of the brain were activated in someone who was heartbroken and who was rehabilitating from drugs.
Basically, if falling in love is similar to an addiction, then breaking up is a rehabilitation process of the addiction, which is also known as withdrawal. In this case, it refers to the process of rehabilitating oneself from a certain person or relationship.
Then, what are the ways to rehabilitate from heartbreak and disappointment after a breakup? Check out some of the following tips.
4 Ways to Get Rid of Heart and Disappointment Due to a Breakup
According to Kampus Psikologi, there are 4 ways to get rid of heartbreak and disappointment, as follows:
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- Accept the pain that you are feeling
Both physical and emotional reactions can be triggered by heartbreak. These feelings can make you feel lonely, unloved, worthless, and depressed. As a human being, you must want to get rid of these feelings in order to get a sense of happiness. In order to get rid of these feelings, you may consume alcohol regularly, eat lots of food, work more, and do some other things. While it is true that these things can help you in the short term, they cannot in the long term.
If you do not resolve the issues related to your feelings, they will resurface again in certain situations, such as when you are looking for or in a new relationship. Plus, it is also possible for you to experience depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts, and the inability to move on.
Then, what should you do? The best thing that you can do is to allow yourself to grieve. It is worth noting that going through the process of heartbreak is never easy. All the feelings that you feel are natural and valid, whether the pain is big or small. Do not mind those who usually underestimate the grief of someone who is feeling heartbroken.
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- Remove the drug: Cut off communication with your ex, avoid stalking and things like that
Keep in mind that remaining to be a friend with your ex may not be a good idea as it can prolong your healing process. Just like a drug addict who tries every possible way to get the dose they need, when you try to release your attachment to your ex and a relationship that has ended, you may want to stalk your ex, contact them, or do other similar behaviors. These kinds of behaviors are known as the side effects of ongoing rehabilitation or withdrawal. If you decide to become friends with your ex after breaking up, these side effects will be increased because the one who is like a drug is still within your reach. The more often you do this behavior, the more addicted you will be to the love that has been lost and the more severe the hurt you will feel. It is clear that it will hinder your healing.
While remaining a friend with your ex is not recommended, you can still do it if both of you and your ex have truly given up on your relationship that has ended.
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- Try not to idealize your ex
After breaking up with your ex, you may think of memories that you two have together. Often, the ones that come to mind are good memories, while the bad ones, including the reasons why you two broke up, are nowhere to be seen. For instance, you may keep replying to the happy and passionate moments in the relationship while forgetting how your ex has let you down several times. If you think of these nostalgic moments, it would be hard for you to live your life without a partner.
In this kind of situation, it is important for you to make a more objective assessment of your relationship. One of the ways that you can do this is to ask your friends or see a therapist for help. Ask them to remind you a thousand reasons why your relationship should have ended and it will not work out if it continues. Besides, you can also do this reality check yourself by writing down 3-20 bad qualities from the relationship or your ex that make you sad all the time. It is fine because it is not to vilify one-sided. It is just your way to remind yourself of the negative things that happened in the relationship. By doing so, you will be able to balance your perception and you will not think that it will be unlikely for you to find someone or a good relationship in the future.
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- Recognize which stage of a breakup you are in
It would be easy for you to better appreciate the process you are going through by knowing what stage you are going through, whether it is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, or acceptance. By recognizing the stage you are in, you will not blame yourself too much. Not only that, the process you take to heal your feelings will be easier, depending on what phase you are currently in.
For instance, if you are still in the denial stage, you will be more kind to yourself by not rushing to push or judge yourself for not being able to accept the real situation. Apart from that, you will also not rush to find a new one because you know that you have not really given up on the relationship completely.
Make sure to stay curious about your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and behavior while going through these stages. Feel free to take your time to realize what you are going through and try to let it happen without forcing it to be better or to change it.
If you are in a situation when you judge your own thoughts or feelings, you are advised to be compassionate and nice to yourself. Do not disturb these thoughts and feelings and try not to judge them. Remember that grieving a loss will take time.
A bookworm and researcher especially related to law and citizenship education. I spend time every day in front of the internet and the campus library.
