Have you ever experienced sweaty hands and discomfort while speaking in a forum? This situation often occurs when someone feels shy or faces a situation that makes them embarrassed. Generally, someone who is shy tends to avoid crowded circumstances or speaking up in a public situation.
The word ‘shame’ itself has a lot of meaning, but what exactly is ‘shame’ according to psychology? If you face embarrassment in a public situation, you may experience so much chronic anxiety. No worries! There are 5 tips to deal with your shyness you can try when in a public situation. Let’s check our post below!
What Is Shame?
In his book entitled “Encyclopedia of Psychology”, Alan states that , shame is a tendency to feel awkward or uncomfortable that is present and felt caused by new situations, other people, or forms of fear of beliefs that are believed to be what other people think. The fear here can hinder someone’s ability to do or say what they want.
According to kampuspsikologi.com, shame comes in various forms and strengths. Some of them feel discomfort in the form of mildness and can be overcome on their own. The context of ’embarrassment’ is also something that can be experienced by anyone and is considered normal, especially for children and when facing new situations. Shame is also related to the cultural context.
In Western culture, someone tends to be able to freely speak what they feel and be assertive. On the contrary, in Eastern culture, there is a perception of “shame” that refers to the form of manners and attitude.
However, shames become something that has a negative and disturbing connotation when it is consistently present to show physical symptoms such as sweating, a flushed face, stomach paints, heart palpitations, negative feelings about oneself, worries about how others see themselves, leading to negative feelings about oneself on a tendency to withdraw from social interactions.
The Origin of Shyness
Basically, the shame that is present continuously makes you a shy person. According to the American Psychology Association, there are a number of factors that predispose a person to being shy, including biological, environmental, and social experiences that a person has experienced.
According to Eggum, Eisenberg, Spinrad et al., in a book entitled “Development of Shyness: Relations with Children’s Fearfulness, Sex, and Maternal Behavior”, fear and shame have a positive relationship.
In an American Academy of Pediatrics publication entitled “Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 : Shyness in children”, it is also revealed that children who have fear at the stage of development will have a great tendency to grow up to be shy. At the stage of child development, the role of parenting becomes an important point in shaping the shy nature of children
The shame is basically recognized since childhood when children begin to face the stages of getting to know themselves and others. Parents play a major role in forming self-confidence in children to be able to interact and recognize themselves.
The children raised in overprotective and authoritarian parenting can cause children to grow up to be shy. When they grow up, they do not have the opportunity to learn to interact socially, leading them to have difficulty in developing social skills.
In an article entitled “Painful shyness in children and adults” posted by American Psychology Association, it is said that environmental factors and social experiences cause a person to be shy when they are adults. Someone who has experienced social rejection, failure, and is also not in a supportive environment, will be more prone to grow into someone who is shy.
Difference Between Shyness and Introversion
According to The Sun reported by the BBC, shyness is often associated with an introverted personality. Both shyness and introverted personality have something in common with a tendency to avoid social situations, particularly when the situation at hand is an unfamiliar one. However, various studies have shown that shyness and introverted personalities have distinctly different motivations and cannot be described theoretically as the same thing.
Some studies show that introverts do not have unique physiological responses, such as increased heart rate, that accompany socially withdrawn behavior in social situations. Another fact also revealed that someone who has an introverted personality has a tendency to introspect or explore his own mind.
Of course, that’s different from the shy nature which is indicated by the tendency of the inability to be open to experience and socialize. These two things are often said to be related, but they are not the same thing.
5 Smart Tips to Deal With Shyness
Occasionally, shyness becomes an obstacle for an individual to develop their ability. The existence of many factors which influence and cause the presence of shyness does not mean that shyness cannot be overcome.
According to kampuspsikologi.com, there are five smart tips to deal with your shyness. Here are they:
1) Try to have a positive dialogue with yourself
Generally, having a positive dialogue with yourself will help you develop self-love that can overcome self-doubt to face new challenges. Instead of focusing on things that are negative and pessimistic, you can focus on seeing from a much more positive and optimistic perspective for yourself.
Instead of telling yourself: “I can’t handle this,” or “This is not possible,”
Try to say that “I can do it,” or “All I have to do is try.”
It is known that positive dialogue with yourself can lead you to have a positive mindset so that it can grow your confidence to interact.
2) Doubt the shame
Apparently, doubt can make you feel uncertain, leading you to have low self-confidence. Of course, it often becomes a problem when a person feels embarrassed. What you can do is to fight your doubts with “doubt the doubt.”
Make sure to ask a question to yourself of what you doubt yourself. And try to question your limiting and doubtful beliefs until you realize that there aren’t many facts to support your doubts.
3) Constructive social environment
There is no doubt that environmental factors play an important role in overcoming your shyness. The people who spend time with you can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself.
The choice is your hand. Of course, you can choose a supportive environment to overcome your shyness. An environment that provides appreciation and constructive criticism will encourage you to improve yourself and increase your confidence in yourself.
4) Keep practicing
To deal with your shyness, you can try to set your goals or targets that can train your shyness, e.g., trying to express opinions in forums or daring to ask questions in class at least once a week.
When setting goals, you can start by trying to be realistic and ensure that your goals are achievable. Make sure to start slowly and set small, doable goals. By following through on your own commitments, no matter how small, you will learn to trust yourself and gain confidence in what you can achieve to challenge your shyness.
5) Don’t compare yourself to others!
Comparison of self is one of the causes that perpetuate shyness in a person. The presence of a feeling of deficiency to the point of being left behind on the achievements or steps that have been taken by others will make you unable to appreciate and see the steps that you have gone through yourself.
Instead of doing self comparisons, you can replace it by keeping a continuous gratitude journal looking at the things you are learning and are grateful for to help you focus on your own process.
The point is, shyness is something that can be experienced by anyone. As we’ve explained, there are many factors that influence the presence of shyness. It’s very important for you to get to know those factors so that you can easily overcome your shyness.
We hope the tips mentioned above can help you to deal with your shyness. If you feel that your shyness has shown a very disturbing intensity in social activities, you can also visit a psychologist to overcome your shyness together.
A bookworm and researcher especially related to law and citizenship education. I spend time every day in front of the internet and the campus library.
