15 Ways to Move On From Ex In The Style of Psychology

If we talk about a romantic relationship, it will not be apart from heartbreak. If now you are broken-hearted, you have to heal it by moving on. However, the problem is that moving on is not an easy thing to do. If you also feel that it is not easy for you to move on, don’t be sad because you are not alone.

It is understandable that moving on is difficult because sometimes it is hard to believe that someone that we love ends the relationship with us. However, in this article, there are tips about 15 ways to move on from ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend in the style of psychology where the source is from Kampus Psikologi site and hopefully the tips can help you to move on.

1. Don’t Rush

As we know that in a romantic relationship, there must be a lot of beautiful moments. And when we have to end our relationship, it will be difficult for us because of the moments that we have created. When you decide to move on, it is a good thing, but you have to note it will take time to heal your heartbreak. Moving on needs process. If you think that now you still have heartbreak, it is normal. Just enjoy the process and don’t rush.

2. See The Past As Your Life’s Journey

Rafiki character in The Lion King says, “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”

From the quote above, we can learn that our past, even though it is bad, is part of our life. And one thing that you should realize is that no one has a smooth life’s journey, right? Problems will always come in our life. So, you have to see a problem in the past as a part of your life so that you will not regret it.

3. Don’t Criticize Yourself Much

Some people who have a hard time forgetting their past will hear the whispers below.

“It is your fault.”

“You should do X.”

“You will not have a boyfriend as good as him.”

“Why are you so stupid?”

“Why didn’t I know from the start that he was cheating on me?”

If you hear these whispers, you have to stop because if you want to move on, but you still criticize yourself and blame yourself, it will not work. The thing that you have to do is to focus on yourself, don’t give up and don’t regret as well.

4. You May Recall, But be Realistic!

If you are on the wrong side in the relationship, don’t think about it again and again. You have to focus on yourself to the current things and to the things that you can control.

How about the beautiful memories? Reported from the PsychAlive, according to psychologist, Dr. Karen Weinstein, it is okay to remember beautiful memories that we have gone through with someone that we love, but we have to use a realistic lens in seeing them. It is because a lot of people who are broken-hearted and like to remember happy moments in their relationship tend to glorify the ideas about the relationship.

So, no wonder why people who are difficult to move on cannot see bad things from their relationship that they had.

5. Feel It, Don’t Hold It!

When you feel sad, angry, disappointed when you remember your ex, don’t ignore the feelings. You have to feel it instead. Research shows that a person who tends to harbor their emotions will be more likely to experience stress that will lead to depression (Patel & Patel, 2019). So, to move on, you can let your emotions flow and don’t hold it. Every emotion is like a wave where it is up and down. By allowing them to be expressed, you allow yourself to release them from your body.

6. Share with Others

If you feel that you cannot hold the heartbreak by yourself, you are able to seek help from people that you trust and you are able to tell your problems to them. Psychological research says that any form of social support is very important when an individual faces mental pressure and trauma (Gros, et al., 2016). When you share your problem to others, you will get feedback that can make you back to reality and help you to get insight from your problem.

7. Look For Your Attachment Style

Reported by PsychAlive, a study reports that the difference of individuals in responding to heartbreak depends on their attachment style. It is the way you build relationships with other people and it is formed from the parenting style of parents and interaction with family members. Reported from PsychAlive (2020), attachment style consists of 4 types as you are able to read below.

• • Secure attachment
    It is the healthiest relationship style because parents as caregivers give full attention. This attachment is marked by high empathy and safety to the child towards other people.
  • Avoidant attachment
    If someone has avoidant attachment, it is because their parents are less sensitive with affection needed by the child or ignore emotional expression of the child. So, the child does not rely on their parents and tends to be independent. The child also does not know how to express their emotions well and less empathy.
  • Anxious attachment
    People who have this attachment tend to be easier in expressing their feelings to others, but they need to get used to it first. The cause is their parents’ parenting style is not consistent where they sometimes care, but sometimes do not.
  • Disorganized attachment
    If you have this attachment, you will feel a danger every time someone approaches you. it is because you have trauma that you have had since you were a child because your parents are abusive.

If your attachment style is secure, it will be easier for you to build relationships with others and it is easier for you to tell your sadness rather than people with avoidant, disorganized, or anxious attachment styles. For avoidant, disorganized, and anxious attachment style, they need support and trust more to others rather than those with secure attachment.

8. Believe In Yourself

It is not easy to return your confidence and self esteem after heartbreak. A research from Stanford University (2016) reports that someone’s trust toward himself or herself affects their ability to heal from heartbreak. They found that individuals who see personality as fixed tend to blame themselves and their “toxic personality” for the breakup. They tend to ask and criticize themselves and feel more desperate about their romantic relationship. However, people who see their personality as a chance to grow, develop, and change, they see different things and they are easier in accepting reality and can move on quickly.

If you are not sure whether you can continue your life or not, remember that you must have confidence and you have to believe that you can face it all.

9. Give Rewards To Yourself

Instead of being sad continuously, it is better for you to give happiness to yourself. In behavior modification theory, there is a giving reward system to encourage individuals to continue desired behavior. It means that self reward is rewarding yourself because you have gone through dark times. Koch’s research (2014) reports that any effort to provide self-reward can increase an individual’s internal motivation. So, you are able to reward yourself by doing the activities that you like such as buying ice cream, exercising, or going on vacation.

10. Learn Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a therapy technique to help you to focus on the present things. A study by Sara Lazar from Harvard Medical School reports that meditation with mindfulness techniques can influence brain areas associated with memory, sense of self, and emotion setting (Mineo, 2018).  So, moving on by using mindfulness can remove your fatigue and stress caused by bad memories in the past and switch your mind to the things that you can feel now.

11. Prevent Yourself from Ruminating

Let’s say that you have tried to move on, tell others, and do many new activities. However, you feel that you are often trapped in the moments in your past. It means that you are still ruminating. So, mindfulness is needed to prevent you from ruminating.

12. Find Support Group

Besides sharing with others, you can join a support group so that you will meet people with the same experiences and you are able to learn from them about effective coping stress techniques. Reported by Winchester Hospital (2020), emotional support obtained from support group participants can help reduce stress that can give positive impact for health, such as improving the activeness in treatment.

13. Self Care Is A Must

You may have heard that usually an ex becomes more beautiful or more handsome after breaking up. It is because they can do self care well. If you want to do self care, make sure that you do not do it only for making your ex regret, but do it for making you happy and healthy.

14. Find New Hobbies and Experiences

You do not only have to focus on the present, but you also have to focus on your self development and also your future. You can find new hobbies and experiences to help you get insight.

15. Spread Kindness to Others

A monk named Ajahn Brahm said in his book, Kindfulness, that by giving goodness to the world, then world will do good to us. If you do good things, it can also be good for our mental health. A brain imaging study led by neurologist Jordan Grafman of the National Institutes of Health shows that “pleasure centers” in the brain are as active as when we observe someone giving money to charity, and this reaction is the same as when we also receive the money from someone else (Seppala, 2013). Besides, a study also reports that doing good for others can improve social functioning, which includes awareness of social realities and regulating negative emotions (Dzwonkowska & Żak-Łykus, 2015).